Category Archives: Commentary

6 Prevalent Myths You’ll Hear About Divorce

Couples going through a divorce often find themselves inundated with well-meaning, but not always accurate advice from people around them who are anxious to help. Here are some of the most common myths we’ve uncovered surrounding divorce with the real story on concerns such as “Will I have to go to court?”, “Who gets the house and kids?”, and “What about my common law marriage?”. Bottom line? When in doubt, always seek the advice of an experienced solicitor.

Key Takeaways:

  • There are a lot of myths about divorce that many people assume to be true.
  • Even if a spouse has moved out of the house or their name isn’t on the mortgage, it could be considered an asset.
  • Not all divorces have to go through costly litigation, some divorces are completed through mediation.

“It can often seem that the husband always gets the raw end of the deal, only being allowed to spend time with the children every other weekend and at various weeks during the summer.”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/six-prevalent-myths-youll-hear-about-divorce_us_598ae90ae4b08a4c247f26da?section=us_divorce

Trying to Help People Help Themselves Can Be Challenging

In this very thought provoking piece, Mark Baer, succinctly laid out the case for mediation over litigation. In the article, Mark makes the case that at the crux of most cases is the issue of trust. Having a trusted, unbiased party, that can provide a judgment in a non-binding manner, can be very helpful in not only settling intractable positions, but can potentially keep deals together that are in danger of falling apart. In summation, Mark Baer, espouses the value of mediators allowing parties to have civil and productive discourse without the combative nature of true litigation.

Key Takeaways:

  • In conflict, many people give up and take themselves out the process of mediation too quickly.
  • Many of our natural instincts in conflict are adversarial and negative rather than productive and positive.
  • Mediation tends to be more economic, stresses opposing parties less, and more efficient than litigation or other methods of ending an argument.

“For what it’s worth, regardless of what I say and what type of information I provide, I rarely hear back from those individuals whose responses numbed me long ago.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/empathy-and-relationships/201708/trying-help-people-help-themselves-can-be-challenging

Individualism Goes Global: More Live Alone, Value Friends

Individualism has gone global and more people are living alone and value their friends. This is not only true for the United States, it is true for most people in the world. For a long time, there has been a steady move away from family ties and more people are going out on their own to make their own way. Self expression and personal choice are two things that are a part of this change.

Key Takeaways:

  • Individualistic people tend towards an appreciation of the individual, with a preference for bonds based on personality, rather than abiding by age-old collectivism and bonds based on heritage.
  • While these types of people are not uncommon in western society, studies are showing them to be popping up worldwide.
  • To arrive at their conclusion researchers poured through 51 years of written material, encompassing 78 nations.

“The finding of a trend toward valuing friends over family is especially noteworthy, at a time when traditional ties such as marriage and family continue to be extravagantly celebrated and rewarded, even in some of the wealthiest nations.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201707/individualism-goes-global-more-live-alone-value-friends

9 Signs You May Have Fallen For A Narcissist

There are 9 signs that you may have fallen for a narcissist. A narcissist may often seem like the perfect partner at first, until they are not. It is very easy to fall in love with a narcissist and it is hard to figure out that they are a narcissist at first. Maintaining a relationship with someone that is a narcissist is a very hard thing to do. Emotional detachment is one warning sign that you are with one.

Key Takeaways:

  • Despite appearing to have an investment in building up their partner’s ego, those with narcissism, are innately selfish, expecting quid-pro-quo and withdrawing if it does not appear.
  • Because they can be trendy, charismatic cool and willing to take charge, people with this profile often make a good first impression.
  • Overtime, however, a full-blown narcissistic personality shows signs of extreme ego, entitlement and self-absorption.

“It’s easy to fall in love with a narcissist: They’re charming, exude self-confidence and shower you with compliments and attention, at least in the beginning.”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/uh-oh-youre-in-love-with-a-narcissist_us_5938725ce4b0c5a35c9bb533?section=us_divorce

The Most Important Things To Know About Divorce

There are some very important things to know about divorce. During the Summer months, the subject of divorce seems to be a very popular topic. Divorce is most likely to occur after the holidays, or a vacation. The younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to get a divorce. The rates of divorce have also gone up a lot due to social media being a presence in the lives of people.

Key Takeaways:

  • Divorce rates are higher among people who marry at earlier ages.
  • Social media can lead to increase in divorce rates due to cheating that begins with online encounters
  • Mediation can be cheaper and less stressful when negotiating a divorce.

“It is sad, but true that divorces peak following Christmas and summer holidays”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-most-important-things-to-know-about-divorce_us_597ad735e4b09982b7376386?section=us_divorce

The Placebo Effect Can Mend Your Broken Heart, Study Suggests

Can a broken heart really be mended? Well, there may not be a pill for it, but this two part study conducted on forty individuals who suffered a relationship break-up revealed some interesting data. First, heartache is very real. Secondly, it may sound simplistic, but perhaps the most significant finding has to do with attitude. Even if we may not buy it at first, by repeatedly reassuring ourselves that we can move on and recover, research contends that eventually we will actually believe it, which will allow us to be more open to our future…

Key Takeaways:

  • A University-centered study put its focus on 40 young adults, all victims of an unwanted break-up.
  • Researchers used imaging to discover that subjects reacted to mental anguish in a way that mirrored their reaction to physical discomfort.
  • Neurological areas that registered as lit up, when participants received a hot jolt, responded similarly to being shown a picture of the participant’s lost love.

“Researchers at the University of Colorado Boulder found that simply believing you’re doing something positive to get over your ex can influence brain regions associated with emotional regulation and lessen the pain you’re feeling”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-get-over-a-breakup-according-to-science_us_5900e797e4b0af6d718aef89?section=us_divorce

Four Ways to Determine a Relationship’s Break up Potential

There are 4 ways to determine a relationship’s breakup potential. You need to know if you both want the same things in life. There are 4 key areas that you need to understand and assess when you are headed towards marriage with your partner. Even if you are deeply in love, if your ideals do not match up, then your relationship is going to be in trouble. You both need to be able to express yourself.

Key Takeaways:

  • Being honest and truthful to your partner helps a relationship.
  • Conflicts are okay, and can help resolve issues, just be sure that you’re being understanding.
  • Finding out your partners personality is important in a relationship.

“It’s a good sign for the longevity and health of your relationship if you are able to have conflicts and resolve them, while making each other feel better in the process.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201707/four-ways-determine-relationship-s-break-potential

18 Super Obvious Signs You’re Having An Emotional Affair

Emotional affairs are devastating. The collateral damage from sharing your heart and life with another outside the marriage not only devastates the betrayed spouse. Trying to piece together your heart and life post-affair is not only challenging, it can be one of the most discouraging and frustrating things you’ll go through as a married couple. Just what is an emotional affair? What qualifies it as such? Perhaps your spouse is resisting the idea that’s what happened, was truly an emotional affair, what then?

Key Takeaways:

  • A new person in your life can make you question if you are with the correct partner.
  • You will feel things with the new person that makes you feel good and more vibrant than the partner you are with.
  • The new person makes life look greener on the other side, but usually it is a passing emotion.

“While some people do knowingly choose to start having sex with someone outside of their relationship, there are a surprising number of people who are just lonely, seeking friendship, and they don’t actually realize that they’ve invested more in this “other” person emotionally than with their significant other.”

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/yourtango-experts/emotional-infidelity-18-signs-youre-crossing-line-expert

There’s Only One Sign A Couple Should Go To Therapy

We believe we’re getting the fairytale when we get married. You know: meet “the one,” have a whirlwind courtship, and live happily ever after. What the fairytales don’t tell you is that relationships take work. Often times, we don’t go into a relationship with the tools to manage the challenges, which is where the pros come in. And by pros, I mean a counselor or therapist who can help you learn new ways of relating to your partner.

Key Takeaways:

  • To maintain a healthy relationship therapy is recommended for all couples.
  • An improved sex life, love, happiness, stability, and overall health are all of the benefits of receiving couples counseling.
  • As a preventative measure couples counseling can help before problems start to arise.

“Counseling may seem like a waste of effort when things are going smoothly, but therapists around the country say it’s always a good time to stop in; you don’t need a huge problem to be the catalyst”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-one-sign-you-should-go-to-couples-therapy_us_59518217e4b0da2c731df685?section=us_divorce

When You’re A Good Friend To Others But A Terrible One To Yourself

You can be generous and compassionate to your friends but often, you neglect yourself. You instinctively reassure your friends who are I need but won’t do to yourself. You need to practice liking and accepting yourself. You need to be compassionate and understanding of failures. Letting yourself know that everyone fails some of the time. We all have the best friendship skills but essentially need to direct them inward towards ourselves and not always onto everyone else.

Key Takeaways:

  • Typically, we don’t apply the same level of compassion to ourselves that we offer to others.
  • To others, we like them as they are, focus on their strengths and remind them that failure is common to all – but we often fail to do this for ourselves.
  • We all have the ability to apply the self-help and compassion we offer to others to ourselves – we just have to look in the mirror and make ourselves do it.

“It’s ironic, yet essentially hopeful, that we usually know quite well how to be a better friend to near strangers than we know how to be to ourselves.”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-be-a-better-friend-to-yourself_us_58d4393be4b03787d3568c29?section=us_divorce