Category Archives: Commentary

5 Reasons Fear of Failure Sustains Toxic Love

Just because you’re afraid to fail is not a good reason to stay in a toxic relationship. Maybe you don’t want to say no or maybe you’re afraid to be alone. Whatever the reason, you shouldn’t put yourself out there only to be in a one-sided or unfulfilling relationship. Trust your instincts, make sure you have a partner who puts in as much time as you do, and focus on competing with your partner rather than making it a challenge you win against them. And, when you fail, don’t beat yourself up and certainly don’t stay. Instead, find what makes you happy.

Key Takeaways:

  • People often stay in broken, dysfunctional, and abusive relationships because they believe ending them would be a a personal failure on their part.
  • You are so consumed with winning the attention of others that you lose sight of your own identity and what you really need to achieve true happiness.
  • Your fear of personal failure keeps you in romantic relationships and friendships that are actually bad for you, rather than focusing on what makes you truly happy.

“Instead of connecting with your instincts about people and trusting yourself when something doesn’t feel quite right, you go forward just so you don’t have to feel as if it was you who messed up the relationship or potential relationship.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201710/5-reasons-fear-failure-sustains-toxic-love

I Got Divorced At 37 And Never Expected What Came Next

Divorce is often very hard on both parties. It can be hard to go from married person to single again. The transition often feels daunting and lonely, but there is life afterward. You never know what can happen. You can move on and make a good life for yourself even if that doesn’t always feel possible. It’s important to remember this and not to give up on yourself because that would stall your life effectively.

Key Takeaways:

  • Even an amicable divorce, mutually decided upon by both parties, can take a toll on someone’s feeling of self-worth.
  • Getting a divorce doesn’t mean that your whole life has to change and be different, but it gives you the opportunity to grow and change.
  • Moving forward after a divorce can be hard, but it can also be fulfilling and rewarding. You never know what the change may bring.

“Ending my marriage didn’t necessitate a complete life overhaul; it just meant I had to get on with the new normal.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/i-got-divorced-at-37-and-never-expected-what-came-next_us_55d2179ce4b07addcb4389da?section=us_divorce

Everything You Need To Know About Surviving Infidelity

There are many kinds of infidelity. It can feel bad when a partner is unfaithful whether it is physical or emotional, but you can survive it. You can end the relationship or you can stay and try to work it out but this is going to take a lot of strength. You may or may not be able to deal with the feelings of resentment you feel toward your partner. It may be too hard to trust them again.

Key Takeaways:

  • If cheated on, remember that it is not on you. Invest yourself in hobbies, activities, and friendly support networks to keep your self esteem up
  • The affair isn’t what causes breakups, it’s lying. Look into marriage counselors to help if you want to keep going
  • Science shows that cheaters are likely to repeat, and there may even be a gene that points to a likelihood of cheating

“The most important thing to remember as you process the pain is that you don’t need to make any immediate decisions.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/if-youve-been-cheated-on-heres-what-you-need-to-know_us_59b95f28e4b02da0e13e74ab?section=us_divorce

10 Things That Make You More Likely To Get Divorced

Although divorce isn’t a disease, it does have risk factors that can point to your likelihood of a divorce. These risk factors, like the ones for cancer or heart disease, merely point us in a direction so that the necessary steps can be made to put extra effort into your relationship once you know what to avoid. Things like divorced parents, the attractiveness of the couple and religion in the home are things that can’t be controlled, but other things, like the age at which you get married and how much you spend on a wedding can. In the end, things like learning to communicate with your spouse can overcome these risk factors and help your marriage to survive.

Key Takeaways:

  • Having risk factors for divorce do make it more likely that you will divorce your spouse; however, there are things you can do to try to prevent this.
  • Social factors, such as your parents’ marital history or religious leanings, can cause you to be more likely to get divorced.
  • If you have a history of not finishing things – school, previous marriages – or you got married young, you are more likely to be divorced.

“In a 2014 University of Buffalo study, researchers found that among couples in which one person was a heavy drinker and the other wasn’t, 45 to 55 percent got divorced before their 10th anniversary. Meanwhile, when both partners — or neither partner — drank, only around 35 percent of couples split up.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-things-that-make-you-more-likely-to-get-divorced_us_59e7a7dbe4b0432b8c11ec26?section=us_divorce

3 Relationship Compromises You Should Never Make

Relationships involve compromise, but there are some key compromises that should not be made in any relationship. The first is hiding one’s personality. This could include their beliefs, friends, or opinions. The next is to allow oneself to be disrespected. Finally, one should not compromise on their sexuality or sexual needs. Instead of making these compromises, partners should communicate with each other about their wants and needs. They should also be tolerant of their partner’s desires.

Key Takeaways:

  • Instead of hiding key aspects of who you are to your partner, gradually introduce these aspect instead.
  • Do not tolerate disrespect from your partner and instead establish ground rules regarding conflict for the both of you.
  • Speak to your partner about what satisfies or excites you during sex to improve your sex life.

“One of the biggest predictors of relationship dissatisfaction and longevity is if your partner regards you with contempt (or you them) during arguments or disagreements.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201709/3-relationship-compromises-you-should-never-make

10 Telltale Signs A Marriage Won’t Last, According To Wedding Planners

Wedding planners have been around enough couples to realize when a marriage isn’t going to work. If someone is being a terror while planning the wedding, that’s a bad sign. If someone is making decisions about the wedding without telling the other person, that’s also a lack of trust to start things off with. If the wedding planning seems to be focused more on spending money, showing off, or a way that the in-laws can get what they want, that’s also not a great sign for the future. When it comes to the wedding reception, if couples aren’t greeting people together, taking care of each other, or are more focused on getting drunk than enjoying the moment, that shows the party may have been a bigger priority.

Key Takeaways:

  • If your spouse is keeping secrets from you, for example, spending money behind your back without your knowledge, this is a sign of financial trust problems.
  • If you are going to go into financial debt over the wedding, this will cause great conflict in your marriage and stress that could have been avoided, potentially leading to a divorce in the future.
  • If your spouse does not take into account your own personal desires and needs, for example, if you believe in a certain dietary lifestyle or have a dietary need that the spouse does not accommodate

“If your friends or family members are not impressed by the person you’re planning on spending your life with, you may want to stop and ask why that’s the case.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/this-is-how-wedding-planners-know-youll-get-a-divorce_us_59cd7955e4b05f005d333001?section=us_divorce

3 Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship

Nobody intentionally starts a bad relationship. At the start there is a honeymoon period where all you see are positive qualities. As time passes and feelings grow it can be hard to tell if the relationship has turned toxic. One of the signs it is time to move on is if you have no personal freedom. You should not lose your sense of self to be part of a couple. Another indication is if you and your partner interact in a negative manner more than 20% of the time. Occasional disagreements are normal and can help you grow as a couple, but constant arguing is big red flag. Finally, if you spend a significant amount of time wishing your partner was not around it is time to get out.

Key Takeaways:

  • You are not allowed to do the things you want to do
  • The exchange of positive and negative comments is too negative
  • This are too tense with your significant other and you would rather be alone than with them

“People who control their partners are insecure about their ability to meet their needs.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/more-chemistry/201710/3-signs-you-re-in-bad-relationship

The Marital Fight That Never Ends

The Walkers have been married for 70 years. When asked the secret to their marital success they replied that they have only ever really had one fight, although that fight has lasted the entire 70 years! Many couples will have at least one unresolved issue that seems to be the root cause of most arguments. It is also difficult to see what you are doing wrong and may lay all of the blame on your partner. In these cases one partners efforts to fix things may actually make things worse. The key to fixing the root issue is communication.

Key Takeaways:

  • Many couples have that one thing they will fight about throughout the span of their relationship and can create a viscous cycle of fixing.
  • Distant pursuit viscous cycle is when one person wants to spend more time with their partner than their partner wants to spend with them.
  • Try to keep an open dialogue, create more time for each, try new things, and give the gift of love.

“One of the principle reasons certain perpetual problems persist in relationships is that most people are quite good at seeing how their partner is causing problems, yet not so much themselves.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-two-shall-become-one/201709/the-marital-fight-never-ends

3 Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship

If you think you may be in a bad relationship these signs an help you decide for sure. It is not always as easy to tell as it should be. If you are fully entrenched in a situation your perspective may be off. Sometimes it takes an outsider to help you see the truth. If you are in one you need to then decide if it’s worth working on and how to go about this.

Key Takeaways:

  • If you’re partner is trying to control you, it’s better to leave.
  • Don’t throw a relationship away before working on it.Focus on the positive, not the negative. If all else fails, leave.
  • If you’re always unhappy around your partner, consider leaving.

“Life is too short to waste time on someone who is not good for you.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/more-chemistry/201710/3-signs-you-re-in-bad-relationship

10 Telltale Signs A Marriage Won’t Last, According To Wedding Planners

In the article “10 Telltale Signs A Marriage Won’t Last, According To Wedding Planners”, published by the Huffington Post on September 29, 2017, we read ten different encounters of wedding planners who are inclined to believe the weddings that they helped created are ill-fated. From cranky bridezillas, uninterested grooms, and even hostile future in-laws, the article touches on the bad and the ugly that were behind the scenes of these couples special day. It will likely not be one they forget.

Key Takeaways:

  • Being a bridezilla is no excuse to be verbally abusive. Work out toxic habits in the relationship before the wedding.
  • If a spouse makes wedding decisions behind your back, this is a recipe for disaster. Make sure you are on the same page about the choices you make way before and after the wedding.
  • Make sure your parents are respectful towards your spouse, this could cause a hostile environment. Address issues as they happen Set boundaries with in-laws
    way before the wedding.

“I do believe it’s extremely risky to spend money you don’t have and go into debt over your wedding before you even start a life together. Starting a marriage with $50,000 of debt is a recipe for disaster.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/this-is-how-wedding-planners-know-youll-get-a-divorce_us_59cd7955e4b05f005d333001?section=us_divorce