Category Archives: Commentary

Why Do We Accept Harmful Shortcomings in Our Partners?

In today’s society, while people often dismiss others for trivial or shallow reasons, it is not uncommon to keep people in one’s life who has a long running hurtful or harmful personality trait. These traits can be something as simple as thoughtlessness or negligence. While there is no clear answer, there are several theories about why people allow individuals in their lives that have these harmful qualities.

Key Takeaways:

  • while sometimes we are very quick to reject dates and partners for seemingly trivial reasons, other times we go to the opposite extreme and are too willing to overlook major flaws
  • By the time these traits do appear, we may already be enamored with the more superficial aspects of the person.
  • After we do notice the harmful behavior, it is easy to tell ourselves that these negative personality traits will change over time.

“By the time these traits do appear, we may already be enamored with the more superficial aspects of the person—including their lack of any obvious minor flaw that would immediately pop out at us.”

The Collaborative Law Institute of Illinois Announces Divorce Conflict Management Program Featuring Bill Eddy … – PR Newswire (press release)

Bill Eddy, the nationally renowned lawyer and therapist, in conjunction with the Collaborative Law Institute of Illinois, will be hosting an educational workshop aimed at understanding high conflict individuals. The workshop with help professionals manage high conflict individuals and deal with the problems and chaos these individuals bring to their environment.

Key Takeaways:

  • Workshop held for professionals who have interactions with difficult clients and co-workers.
  • Workshop will provide insight into the personalities of high conflict individuals.
  • Participants will earn continuing education credits.

“This event is on November 18, from 8:30AM-4:30 at Café La Cave in Des Plaines, Illinois. Registration is open to all divorce professionals.”

How Eye Contact Brings You Together, or Apart

Most people to not realize the impact simple eye contact has on a personal interaction. Eye contact can build a connection between people or imply aggressiveness or confrontation. Even brief eye contact can imply feelings of connection or aggression. Further, a person’s personality may impact how a person reacts to eye contact. In today’s world of cell phones and computers, a brief moment of eye contact may be more meaningful now than it ever has been before.

Key Takeaways:

  • Eye contact can be a friendly social signal.
  • While eye contact may be a sign of connection or trust in friendly situations, it’s more likely to be associated with dominance or intimidation in adversarial situations.
  • In people who scored high in a test of Neuroticism, a personality dimension associated with self-consciousness and anxiety, eye contact triggered more activity associated with avoidance.

“In her book, Alone Together: Why we Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, she attributes a 40% decline in empathy among college students after 1990 in part to cell-phone screens substituting for face-to-face conversation.”

6 Tips For Bouncing Back After Infidelity And Divorce – The Good Men Project (blog)

One of the biggest challenges someone can face is trying to get back on track after infidelity and divorce. One of the best things to do is to distance yourself from the situation, avoid social media and give yourself time to recover. Further, being the bigger person and moving on confidently with your lift can help one get through this challenging time.

Key Takeaways:

  • When we suppress instead of allowing ourselves to grieve, the internal pain manifests itself in ways and at times that are unhealthy and yield long term, negative consequences.
  • What’s more, the more you think about the why, the more you are second guessing yourself and unwittingly sabotaging the life you are trying to rebuild.
  • On the other hand, if there are hobbies and activities that have always brought you joy; find a couple hours a week to get back into them. You will smile and it will be natural.

“One of the worst things that one can do is to put on a false sense of bravado or hide their emotions. When we suppress instead of allowing ourselves to grieve, the internal pain manifests itself in ways and at times that are unhealthy and yield long term, negative consequences.”

Amber Heard’s Close Friend Opens Up About Johnny Depp Divorce: ‘People Are Rarely Bad People’ – People Magazine

Amber Heard’s close friend, iO Tillet Wright, revealed more details of Heard’s divorce from Johnny Depp. iO spoke to Depp’s generosity and kindness, but also criticized Depp for his lack of public or private apology to Heard for his behavior. iO says she holds no ill will towards Depp and remains close with Heard following the divorce.

Key Takeaways:

  • iO Tillett Wright, a close friend of Amber Heard’s who was named in the actress’ abuse claim, is opening up about living with Heard and Johnny Depp as the couple’s relationship turned ugly.
  • “People have things that happen to them and people have pain they are trying to get around
  • A judge granted Heard a temporary restraining order against Depp. However he was never charged with any crime relating to abuse.

“Heard was awarded $7 million in a settlement, but donated the money to the ACLU to fight domestic violence and the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles, and Wright says she actually losing money from the split.”

Can You Read Your Mate’s Mind?

Many of us with we could read our partners mind, but as it turns out we already can. A study shows those in romantic relationships have “empathic accuracy” meaning they are able to tell their partners feelings in a situation. In order to keep this ability research shows we need to remain interested in our partner and our want to understand them.

Key Takeaways:

  • Researchers examining our ability to accurately detect the thoughts and feelings of our romantic partners explore what they call “empathic accuracy.”
  • Greater empathic accuracy among couples was related to stronger feelings of closeness as well as increased relationship satisfaction.
  • Research suggests that we can improve our empathic accuracy if we are highly motivated to accurately understand our partners.

“Although there do seem to be individual differences in this ability, most of us can correctly perceive the thoughts and feelings of friends and family members, but especially our romantic partners.”

Divorce is the new marriage so why is it still frowned upon? – Al-Arabiya

Divorce has historically been seen as something undesirable, a painful end to something meant to be for life. However, as divorce rates climb, it is important that the notion of divorce change to something that does not have to be destructive, but rather relationship-saving or even life-saving. The idea that someone is committing to spending their entire life with another person is entirely too much pressure to bear, and as a result, divorce should be considered as an option.

Key Takeaways:

  • Times have changed, and Hollywood – once the purveyor of “The One” and marriages that last until “death do us part” – is now showing that the end of a marriage is not necessarily a mark of failure, but can be the transformation of one type of relationship into something else that is equally healthy and positive.
  • Research and statistics show that although the breakdown of a relationship is difficult for everyone, divorce in itself is not necessarily the tragic end it was thought to b
  • The truth is, the only thing any of us have is today. Beyond that, there are no guarantees. The idea of being married to one person for life, especially without some level of awareness of our unresolved emotional needs, is too much pressure for anyone.”

“Research and statistics show that although the breakdown of a relationship is difficult for everyone, divorce in itself is not necessarily the tragic end it was thought to be. As people live longer and co-parenting becomes the new norm, why then should people stay in unhappy relationships? Maybe it is time to take a page from Hollywood’s book on the ephemeral nature of relationships.”

A Modern Dilemma: What Happens to Frozen Embryos After Divorce? – Times of San Diego

Since modern science has made it possible for couples to freeze their embryos and save them so they can get pregnant later in life, there are new issues rising that have to do with what should be done with the frozen embryos if the couple gets divorced. There is no one right solution to this problem, so the best thing to do is meet with a family law attorney before freezing your embryos.

Key Takeaways:

  • McQueen isn’t alone in her fight to reproduce post-divorce. In 2015, California anesthesiologist Dr. Mimi Lee lost her fight to retain embryos created via IVF in 2010. She and her then-husband, Stephen Findley, signed an agreement stating the embryos would be discarded if the couple divorced, the Wall Street Journal reporte
  • Discuss and include very clear language in the IVF contract regarding the use and disposition of the embryos in the event of divorce.
  • Meet with an attorney who specializes in family law if you are considering going through IVF. Taking responsible steps before you go through the fertility process can save you a great deal of anxiety, anger and heartache down the road, should your marriage end in divorce.

“Jalesia McQueen, 44, wants more children and wants to accomplish this using the embryos, which were created during her marriage to Justin Gadberry, according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Her ex-husband doesn’t want more children, and doesn’t believe he should be required to reproduce against his will.”

How to Rebuild Trust with Someone Who Hurt You

Trust is extremely difficult to rebuild once it is lost in a relationship, friendship, etc. However, there are some ways that can help you regain the trust and restore balance to the relationship. First, you must forgive yourself. Second, forgive the person who hurt you. Third, learn to trust yourself again and finally, put your trust into the other person.

Key Takeaways:

  • Nothing hurts more than feeling betrayed by someone you love and trust.
  • Relationships, though, are very complex and depending on the circumstances a betrayal doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship.
  • Relationships are vital to our well-being and quality of life. Without the difficult times however, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good times.

“Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. It is what allows you to feel safe so that you can be vulnerable enough to emotionally connect with the other person.”

Back From Vacation, And Now More Likely To Divorce?

Researches have found that many couples get divorced shortly after returing from either a summer or winter vacation. They think it has to do with the fact that vacation is a domestic ritual for a lot of couples, and going on a vacation may exacerbate problems that are already present in the relationship. It doesn’t mean that all couples will get a divorce after a vacation, but it can be a contributing factor. Just try and work out your relationship problems as they happen and you should be fine.

Key Takeaways:

  • New research finds that divorces tend to rise following vacations.
  • According to a summary of the research, they found divorce consistently peaks during the months of August and March – times that follow winter and summer holidays.
  • Pay attention to your relationship throughout the year, and deal with whatever issues are brewing along the way. Don’t wait for vacation time to heal any conflicts.

“Pay attention to your relationship throughout the year, and deal with whatever issues are brewing along the way. Don’t wait for vacation time to heal any conflicts. When you return you might conclude that your relationship is already beyond repair.”