Category Archives: Commentary

Divorce An Unreliable Predictor of Aggressiveness

Every little girl dreams about her wedding day, but no one dreams about divorce. It can have lasting affects on everyone involved. Some studies have linked divorce to social awkwardness in children, that can lead to aggressive behavior. Elliot Rodger, a boy who murdered 6 and injured 14, blamed his parent’s divorce for his rampage. It’s important to note that while divorce can lower self esteem and cause mistrust in relationships, horrible aggressiveness like Rodger’s is rare. No one really knows what causes mental issues like his.

Key Takeaways:

  • The narrative is that divorce can be profoundly harmful to children, but in reality, most children are able to cope well.
  • Some children do experience separation anxiety and minor distress if they are not receiving adequate attention from divorced parents.
  • However, we still do not have a way of accurately predicting when violent behavior will occur.

“Rodger sent this manifesto to his parents and therapist before the killing spree, blaming them for his sexual frustrations.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/talking-about-trauma/201608/divorce-unreliable-predictor-aggressiveness

Three Ways to Make a Divorce Easier on Your Kids – Lifehacker

Divorce is never easy on a child. However, there are ways to make it easier, and a little more bearable. These ways include never arguing or engaging in conflict with the ex spouse in front of the child, reducing the amount of major life changes a divorce may bring, and making sure you take care of yourself through the stress.

Key Takeaways:

  • to make your divorce easier on your children minimize conflict between you and your ex
  • to make divorce easier on your children try to reduce the transitions/changes your children have to go through as a result of your divorce
  • to make your divorce easier on your children don’t forget to take care of yourself so that you can be there for your kids

“Changing schools, moving homes, change in quality of life due to change in household income, and eventually new partners for their parents—they’re all traumatic, and some may be necessary, but try to minimize them.”

http://lifehacker.com/three-ways-to-make-a-divorce-easier-on-your-kids-1785911276

4 Expert Tips on Emotionally Preparing for Divorce

When divorce is pending in your life there are things you can do to ensure that you can heal and move on with all aspects of your life. These aspects include financial, parental, social, and emotional. While divorce is a hard thing, you can find healing by remember to take care of yourself and the things that are the most important.

Key Takeaways:

  • Most people see their financial situation change when they divorce. The quicker you look into the facts of your situation, then the sooner you can begin acclimating to a new reality.
  • Changes will have to be made. Accepting this fact means you are not continually living in an angry and hurt state of mind. No sense in crying over spilled milk. Accept it.
  • As parents emotionally adjust to their divorce, they typically beat themselves up for not being more perfect for their kids.

“The point is not to be perfect, but push yourself to direct your attention each day to what’s ultimately going to liberate.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201608/4-expert-tips-emotionally-preparing-divorce

7 Inspiring Stories Of In-Law Friendships That Survived Divorce

We all know that divorce is complicated, however taking in-law divorces that survive friendship, now that is something that is rare! Ex’s of past relationships can still be in children’s lives during a new and fresh relationship, but does this really have now effect on the ‘new’ significant other? Ex in-laws can still be considered family even after a divorce. Many of the people in this article express things and explain their situations in ways to which we might not understand unless being given the odds ourselves. It just goes to show that the outlook you have on life really does reflect on how you live.

Key Takeaways:

  • You don’t have to give up relationships with your in laws after a divorce
  • You x in laws are not the cause of your split up and you can remain friends with them
  • There is no reason to make divorce more complicated than it already is.

“One of the toughest parts about divorce can be giving up a relationship with your in-laws ― but you don’t have to.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/inspiring-stories-of-in-law-friendships-that-survived-divorce_us_571ffd7de4b0f309baef28ee?ir=Divorce&utm_hp_ref=divorce

The Golden Rule Doesn’t Work in Marriage

Sometimes all couples want is empathy from their significant other. This is good basic advise, be thought full of one another. This article talks about how that may not always be the case. While something may be significant for one member of the couple it may not be for the other, and that’s ok. Advise is given on how best to handle these situations that come up from time to time in all marriges.

Key Takeaways:

  • What your spouse needs may be different than what you need. That is OK, it doesn’t make it wrong or bad, it is just different.
  • So, to avoid all the unnecessary arguing and to create more connection, we have to start treating our spouse the way they need to be treated and filled up with love.
  • When we don’t know what our spouses love language is we start speaking our language to them.

“The Five Love Languages are Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts and Quality Time. These are the different ways we show people we love them.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christianne-judy/the-golden-rule-doesnt-wo_b_11796014.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce

5 Myths About How to Deal With a Breakup

When going through a breakup, people are always quick to throw out advice–some of which are merely myths. You might think it’s wrong to want to date again soon after a break up, but in actuality it’s okay! Also, just because your relationship ended doesn’t make you a failure. People also expect you to cry and it’s ok–grief is a multi-step process. If you have kids, you might feel like you have to step up more, but as long as you are open to how your child is feeling, then you’re on the right track. Lastly, it’s okay to have fun!

Key Takeaways:

  • Sometimes the feeling of being lonely and imagining a future alone can be lessened by allowing yourself to at least entertain the idea of dating.
  • Relentless self-attack will get you nowhere and is not part of healthy grieving.
  • Healthy grieving means that you accept that with separation comes a healing process.

“The fact is that if a relationship is consistently unhappy, filled with chronic anger or anxiety, kids are often better off when divorce provides greater stability.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201608/5-myths-about-how-deal-breakup