Category Archives: Commentary

How to Rebuild Trust with Someone Who Hurt You

Trust is extremely difficult to rebuild once it is lost in a relationship, friendship, etc. However, there are some ways that can help you regain the trust and restore balance to the relationship. First, you must forgive yourself. Second, forgive the person who hurt you. Third, learn to trust yourself again and finally, put your trust into the other person.

Key Takeaways:

  • Nothing hurts more than feeling betrayed by someone you love and trust.
  • Relationships, though, are very complex and depending on the circumstances a betrayal doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship.
  • Relationships are vital to our well-being and quality of life. Without the difficult times however, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good times.

“Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. It is what allows you to feel safe so that you can be vulnerable enough to emotionally connect with the other person.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201609/how-rebuild-trust-someone-who-hurt-you

Back From Vacation, And Now More Likely To Divorce?

Researches have found that many couples get divorced shortly after returing from either a summer or winter vacation. They think it has to do with the fact that vacation is a domestic ritual for a lot of couples, and going on a vacation may exacerbate problems that are already present in the relationship. It doesn’t mean that all couples will get a divorce after a vacation, but it can be a contributing factor. Just try and work out your relationship problems as they happen and you should be fine.

Key Takeaways:

  • New research finds that divorces tend to rise following vacations.
  • According to a summary of the research, they found divorce consistently peaks during the months of August and March – times that follow winter and summer holidays.
  • Pay attention to your relationship throughout the year, and deal with whatever issues are brewing along the way. Don’t wait for vacation time to heal any conflicts.

“Pay attention to your relationship throughout the year, and deal with whatever issues are brewing along the way. Don’t wait for vacation time to heal any conflicts. When you return you might conclude that your relationship is already beyond repair.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-resilience/201609/back-vacation-and-now-more-likely-divorce

Why This New Alternative To Divorce Has People Scared – Huffington Post

What do you do if your in a marriage that isn’t working anymore but you have children? A old concept now has a new name . It’s called a parenting marriage. You and your spouse stay together for the kids because neither wants to leave. The concept has been around a long time but now can be called something. Seperated rooms for the couple and the possibility of outside sexual partners are all part of the arrangement. Some people think that’s the way to go to keep the family together.

Key Takeaways:

  • Marriages are not always working.
  • Divorcing with kids is not always an option.
  • Parenting marriages are becoming more common.

“A Parenting Marriage happens when the romantic aspect of the relationship has gone by the wayside but you have kids together and you don’t split up.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-pease-gadoua/why-this-new-alternative-to-divorce-has-people-scared_b_11752320.html

10 Pieces Of Really Bad Divorce Advice

Divorce is a traumatic experience for all involved. As expected everyone will have advise for the newly divorced person. One author who has gone through a divorce took it upon herself to start a blog on advise for divorced people. While people have tons of good advise , some of it isn’t. Here we have a list of the top ten worse pieces of advise for the newly divorced person.

Key Takeaways:

  • But for the most part, you don’t get over someone in a divorce by becoming involved with someone else.
  • Should a person sit home alone and think about the divorce until the one-year mark? Definitely not.
  • This might be good advice if you are in middle school, but games don’t work in dating after divorce or when older. I find that most people over 40 appreciate honesty and authenticity.

“I find that most people over 40 appreciate honesty and authenticity. I also find that if the situation is right, and you act interested in someone, he or she will actually be more interested in you.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-pieces-of-really-bad-divorce-advice_us_57c6ccbce4b07addc40ff692?ir=Divorce&utm_hp_ref=divorce

7 Ways to Get Your Self-Esteem Back After Divorce

Getting divorced can rob you of your self esteem. There are several ways to help get that self esteem back listing in this article. Most of the ways people lose their self esteem tend to deal with blaming others or there selves or thinking of their actions as failures and generally dwelling on the past instead of moving forward.

Key Takeaways:

  • Remember it takes courage to let go of the familiar, even when the familiar isn’t working or causes you pain.
  • Let yourself miss whatever was positive about the relationship, so those feelings can move through you, dissipate, and make room for something new.
  • It’s okay to go back and forth in the privacy of your own mind, but it creates havoc when you do so with your actions in the real world.

“Research indicates that living with frequent parental conflict is damaging to children. If you were in a high-conflict marriage, your divorce could bring more good than harm to your children.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/constructive-wallowing/201608/7-ways-get-your-self-esteem-back-after-divorce

Divorce An Unreliable Predictor of Aggressiveness

Every little girl dreams about her wedding day, but no one dreams about divorce. It can have lasting affects on everyone involved. Some studies have linked divorce to social awkwardness in children, that can lead to aggressive behavior. Elliot Rodger, a boy who murdered 6 and injured 14, blamed his parent’s divorce for his rampage. It’s important to note that while divorce can lower self esteem and cause mistrust in relationships, horrible aggressiveness like Rodger’s is rare. No one really knows what causes mental issues like his.

Key Takeaways:

  • The narrative is that divorce can be profoundly harmful to children, but in reality, most children are able to cope well.
  • Some children do experience separation anxiety and minor distress if they are not receiving adequate attention from divorced parents.
  • However, we still do not have a way of accurately predicting when violent behavior will occur.

“Rodger sent this manifesto to his parents and therapist before the killing spree, blaming them for his sexual frustrations.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/talking-about-trauma/201608/divorce-unreliable-predictor-aggressiveness

Three Ways to Make a Divorce Easier on Your Kids – Lifehacker

Divorce is never easy on a child. However, there are ways to make it easier, and a little more bearable. These ways include never arguing or engaging in conflict with the ex spouse in front of the child, reducing the amount of major life changes a divorce may bring, and making sure you take care of yourself through the stress.

Key Takeaways:

  • to make your divorce easier on your children minimize conflict between you and your ex
  • to make divorce easier on your children try to reduce the transitions/changes your children have to go through as a result of your divorce
  • to make your divorce easier on your children don’t forget to take care of yourself so that you can be there for your kids

“Changing schools, moving homes, change in quality of life due to change in household income, and eventually new partners for their parents—they’re all traumatic, and some may be necessary, but try to minimize them.”

http://lifehacker.com/three-ways-to-make-a-divorce-easier-on-your-kids-1785911276

4 Expert Tips on Emotionally Preparing for Divorce

When divorce is pending in your life there are things you can do to ensure that you can heal and move on with all aspects of your life. These aspects include financial, parental, social, and emotional. While divorce is a hard thing, you can find healing by remember to take care of yourself and the things that are the most important.

Key Takeaways:

  • Most people see their financial situation change when they divorce. The quicker you look into the facts of your situation, then the sooner you can begin acclimating to a new reality.
  • Changes will have to be made. Accepting this fact means you are not continually living in an angry and hurt state of mind. No sense in crying over spilled milk. Accept it.
  • As parents emotionally adjust to their divorce, they typically beat themselves up for not being more perfect for their kids.

“The point is not to be perfect, but push yourself to direct your attention each day to what’s ultimately going to liberate.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201608/4-expert-tips-emotionally-preparing-divorce

7 Inspiring Stories Of In-Law Friendships That Survived Divorce

We all know that divorce is complicated, however taking in-law divorces that survive friendship, now that is something that is rare! Ex’s of past relationships can still be in children’s lives during a new and fresh relationship, but does this really have now effect on the ‘new’ significant other? Ex in-laws can still be considered family even after a divorce. Many of the people in this article express things and explain their situations in ways to which we might not understand unless being given the odds ourselves. It just goes to show that the outlook you have on life really does reflect on how you live.

Key Takeaways:

  • You don’t have to give up relationships with your in laws after a divorce
  • You x in laws are not the cause of your split up and you can remain friends with them
  • There is no reason to make divorce more complicated than it already is.

“One of the toughest parts about divorce can be giving up a relationship with your in-laws ― but you don’t have to.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/inspiring-stories-of-in-law-friendships-that-survived-divorce_us_571ffd7de4b0f309baef28ee?ir=Divorce&utm_hp_ref=divorce

The Golden Rule Doesn’t Work in Marriage

Sometimes all couples want is empathy from their significant other. This is good basic advise, be thought full of one another. This article talks about how that may not always be the case. While something may be significant for one member of the couple it may not be for the other, and that’s ok. Advise is given on how best to handle these situations that come up from time to time in all marriges.

Key Takeaways:

  • What your spouse needs may be different than what you need. That is OK, it doesn’t make it wrong or bad, it is just different.
  • So, to avoid all the unnecessary arguing and to create more connection, we have to start treating our spouse the way they need to be treated and filled up with love.
  • When we don’t know what our spouses love language is we start speaking our language to them.

“The Five Love Languages are Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts and Quality Time. These are the different ways we show people we love them.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christianne-judy/the-golden-rule-doesnt-wo_b_11796014.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce