Category Archives: Divorce Mediation

How do I act at Divorce Mediation to get the best result?

I have been married a little over 3 years and my husband and I have separated 2x. I filed for divorce last year and he talked me into coming back. We have been to counseling 3x and I have done everything I could to make it work. We are separated and going thru a divorce…he wants all my assets (mine are substantial and his are nil). I want to keep whats mine and protect my son (from previous marriage).He threatened to punch him in the face to "discipline" him. I had enough of his lazy a** and threats. When he moved out the last time, I filed and won’t let him come back. I want to protect my son from all this. I want to keep my assets. What do I say or not say to the mediator?
I have a lawyer. the judge we are going before, requires mediation before he will hear a case.

professionally… make sure it looks like you need what you have to even get along in this world. and dont be pressured into signing anything without a lawyer. also make sure any threats have been logged.

what is divorce mediation?

It is an effort to avoid litigation. The two parties meet with a mediator, sometimes two, a counselor and a lawyer. You each disclose financial and physical assets that you had shared and try to reach a mutually agreeable division of those assets. Custody can also be worked out in mediation. It is basically, a negotiation to split everything a couple has shared.

Texas Divorce Mediation?

Long story short, my wife and I have decided to separate. Texas allows for fault and no-fault scenarios, recognizing each situation is different.

Her and I have drafted a list of property, agreement on how to divide everything – and are preparing for a no fault divorce request…we want to avoid using attorneys as they would cost us more than we even own value wise.

Right now we’ve agreed on every item, and how to divide things up; we’re very non-hostile and we are being non-combative, we both realize that will not help the situation. The only concern we have is one credit card that we have jointly; there is no debt on the card as the balance is paid in full each month. We’ve agreed to keep it a "joint" account until the end of the calendar year, as it has a very high limit, a result of us both having good credit history.

Does anyone have experience in this matter? Will the court not allow this kind of agreement? We’re keeping it joint should any type of emergency happen to one of us, we don’t wish ill-will towards each other – the marriage has just reached a failure point.

Her and I have talked in great length, we don’t want to spend $10,000 on attorneys for what is realistically a $2,000 divorce. We’ve prepared the separation agreement, have discussed financial concerns, and the only debt we have is a vehicle payment (mine) and a student loan (hers)…thus the division was simple.
Texas marital separation agreements basically become "law" between the parties; so even if the separation were to turn ugly later on there is basically nothing her or I could do about it.

This is what my ex and I did, also in Texas. We dud have one lawyer for both of us and it worked out smoothly. We didn’t want to waste the money either and did the right thing for our child.

Have you ever gone through a divorce mediation? Were you nervous as hell?

Yes and make sure you can live with everything you agree to. For example child support of 1065 a month for two kids. Remember, that’s not for a year or two. That is until they graduate college now. Travel. Remember to include who will pay for airfare if one of you ever move. Taxes. Don’t forget about taxes. Custody, make sure they spend plenty of time with mom while they are little. Make sure there is a stipulation about the kids being allowed to play sports and extra curricular. Make sure you include who get to decide when they get haircuts. (This can be major believe it or not, especially if you have a little girl and her daddy remarries and step-mommy is jealous and has all her hair cut off!) The small stuff can be just as big of a deal as the big stuff. Good luck.

Dissolution, Divorce, Mediation… oh my!?

Since finding out about my husbands adultry, I’ve been scrambling to find a lawyer. As a homemaker, I’ve been thrust into searching for employment. Until a job is found, I have no source of income for myself and my 2 children… outside of what my husbands promises to give.

I have looked into all 3 options, but have no idea which is best. I’m tending to lean away from divorce as I will need and outside witness to testify that he did, indeed, cheat. His admitting it is not enough in the State of Ohio. So far, he has complied with all of my wishes, but this could soon end when reality sinks in and he realises what he has lost and is about to lose.

What is the best of these 3 choices and why?

In Ohio, the courts will not be concerned about whether or not your spouse cheated. You do not need grounds for divorce.

Dissilution is only possible if your spouse cooperates with you. Working with each other, couples negotiate a settlement of all marital issues outside of court.

Divorce is adversarial. If a couple wants to terminate their marriage but cannot settle their issues, one spouse must file for divorce.

No matter how you feel, start with no-fault. You give up nothing by filing on a no-fault basis. You can amend your complaint later to add a fault. Alternatively, you can list a no-fault ground “plus unspecified others to be introduced at trial” in your initial complaint.

Even if you do prove at trial that your spouse committed without shame one of the nine fault grounds, in Ohio you will not get a bigger slice of the property. However, there can be reductions in parental rights if the fault involved criminal or other behavior harmful to others.

Some contend you create negotiating advantage by omitting the real cause from the initial complaint. The potential for disclosure of harmful or embarrassing behavior might motivate cooperation. Whether such leverage should be used at all, or ever for destructive purposes, is an individual decision.

Check this link for more info on Ohio divorce:

Divorce – Mediation – Financial Hardship?

My daughter has a trial before court date in a couple of weeks.

Her "new" lawyer lied and told her the judge had ordered her to mediation (there is no such order, not signed and not on file).

She only has enough money for the actual trial itself and not the additional $5,000 for a full day of mediation.

If there’s no signed order, I don’t want her to agree to mediation.


1. If, at the trial, the judge actually DOES order mediation, can’t her lawyer plea Financial Hardship as a reason why my daughter can’t goto mediation?

2. If the judge doesn’t accept Financial Hardship, can’t her lawyer demand that all mediation costs be paid by her to-be-Ex ??

3. Is there any other acceptable way for her or her lawyer to get out of going to mediation ??

Thanks for your help.
Thank you all for your answers (except for hex of course…. grow up).

The judge set the trial date 2 months ago. I guess all she can do is show up for the mediation and hope his lawyer doesn’t screw her over. As for the $5K, it’s nothing considering she’s already paid $30k for absolutely nothing.

The only good lawyer really is a dead lawyer.

1. If, at the trial, the judge actually DOES order mediation, can’t her lawyer plea Financial Hardship as a reason why my daughter can’t goto mediation?

How do you know it was not a judicial bench order? The fact is, if mediation has been ordered and she shows up in court without having participated, the judge is well within discretion to rule in the other party’s favor without giving her another chance.

As for financial hardship, that is not an option to opt out of mediation.

2. If the judge doesn’t accept Financial Hardship, can’t her lawyer demand that all mediation costs be paid by her to-be-Ex ??

He can ask but it is up to the court and in many states, by statute, there is no discretion here. The court is bound by statute to tax BOTH parties an equal share of the mediation.

Even in states where mediation is not taxed equally, the court normally orders the party NOT cooperating to shoulder the extra expense for the mediation.

3. Is there any other acceptable way for her or her lawyer to get out of going to mediation ??

Yes, either die before trial or agree to stipulations offered by the other party.

Instead of helping your daughter thumb her nose at the judicial system, it would be nice to finally see a parent teach their child to accept responsibility.

That is obviously not the case here.

What happens if I don’t attend court ordered mediation in a divorce suit in Texas?

The judge in my divorce case (in Galveston County, Texas) has ordered that we come to an agreement or attend mediation before a certain date. I don’t have an attorney, and I have no money (I have filed a response and a counter petition, though). Anyway, the court paperwork says failure to attend mediation and come to an agreement will result in the case being dropped. My wife is trying to bleed me for money, even though I am penniless.

So I guess my question is, If I don’t attend the court ordered mediation (since I can’t afford it), will anything bad happen (other than the case being thrown out)?
BTW: there are no kids, no property, no assets, and nothing to fight over except and old $1000 truck.

Most likely, a warrant will be issued for your arrest at some point, and you will go to jail.

Divorce and mediation?

Has anyone fpund mediation to work when sorting out finances in a divorce? My other half has his 2nd meeting nxt week, the 1st was a sham cos his ex wont agree to anything as she has £ signs flashing in her eyes

We are going for our 3rd session this Monday.

So far,as long as we agree and remain amicable,I should have the seperation agreement signed then. it all depends on the 2 parties…if she plans on going for the jugular, than mediation won’t work. She’ll most likely get her own attorney to do this.

divorce mediation in wisconsin?

1.How does it work, do we have to see a lawyer first then we go there,or can we see a mediator and try to work something out?

2. will they point out if someone is unrealistic? my wife expects the house with all the equity,without paying me, because she paid the payments the last 3 years, but i paid off our big second mortgage

3. cost?

4. any other thoughts on this? do i need a lawyer to write up the mediation agreement if we do agree? or do they write something up and we just somehow finalize it?

just sort of wondering if they will make it clear she cant just get everything she wants, that wisconsin is a 50-50 state,no matter what

5. how do i really start it? talk to the court to set an appointment and just tell the wife? can she be told to go?

Wisconsin Divorce Mediation
(provided by Max D. Harris, Esq.)

In recent years there has been a growing interest in divorce mediation, which is a process for helping divorcing parties reach a settlement agreement in a cooperative manner rather than having them battle it out in court for the judge to decide the issues. Mediation lets the parties keep control of the process and of the terms of the divorce. Mediation, if successful, is likely to be much less expensive and much less stressful on the parties than fighting it out in court. It even tends to be less stressful and expensive than adversarial negotiations with each party having a separate lawyer with months of discovery, communications, and a series of proposals and counter proposals.

In Wisconsin, as in many states, there is both court-ordered mediation of custody and placement issues, and private mediation which tends to be comprehensive in nature and often occurs prior to commencing the divorce action (and hence is often called "pre-suit" mediation).

Court-ordered Mediation

Wisconsin law requires that parties who cannot reach an agreement on custody and placement issues first try mediation before proceeding with a full-blown custody dispute. Although mediation may be bypassed if the court finds that requiring mediation will cause undue hardship or would endanger the health or safety of one of the parties, in most cases mediation is mandatory before the court will allow the parties to go ahead with a custody battle.

This court-ordered mediation is usually done with a county mediator associated with the court system either by employment or by contract. The mediation is limited to issues related to custody and placement. No issue relating to property division, maintenance or child support may be considered unless the issue is directly related to custody and placement and the parties agree in writing to consider the related issue. Unrelated financial issues are absolutely prohibited, and related financial issues may be discussed only if both parties agree in writing to discuss the issues.

The custody/placement mediator shall be guided by the best interest of the child and may, in addition to regular mediation with the parties, do any of the following:

1. Include the counsel of any party or any appointed guardian ad litem in the mediation.
2. Interview any child of the parties, with or without a party present.
3. Require a party to provide written disclosure of any relevant facts.
4. Suspend mediation to allow a party to obtain an appropriate court order or appropriate therapy.
5. Terminate mediation if a party does not cooperate or if there are circumstances which make mediation inappropriate.

If mediation of the custody/placement issues is successful, a written agreement is prepared for review by the parties and their attorneys, and if approved is submitted to the court to be included in the court order or stipulation. If the parties are unable to reach an agreement in mediation, the court shall be so notified and a guardian ad litem shall be promptly appointed if this has not already been done.

If the parties wish to use a private mediator instead of the county mediator, they may do so. Although private mediation will generally cost more than county mediation, a private mediator may help the parties reach a comprehensive settlement on all issues, and this comprehensive scope sometimes helps the parties actually reach an agreement.

Private Mediation

Parties who are familiar with the concept of mediation may choose to begin mediation prior to starting a divorce. This creates the possibility of reaching a comprehensive agreement before the pressures of an inherently adversarial process damage the parties’ already troubled relationship. Even if parties are already involved in a divorce proceeding, they may turn to a private mediator to help them reach a settlement agreement through a collaborative process of private mediation.

Most mediators report that comprehensive mediation, if successful, usually is completed in three to six mediation sessions. The cost of three to six mediation sessions is almost certain to be substantially less than the cost to each party of legal fees in a litigated divorce.

Mediators are neutral facilitators of communication and negotiation. They help the parties understand each other’s interests and concerns, and promote the efforts of the parties to fashion their own settlement agreement in a respectful, collaborative spirit. Mediators who are also attorneys may inform the parties of the legal parameters of the issues they are facing: what would likely be acceptable to the court and what would not. Mediators can also help the parties move beyond negative tactics such as manipulation and intimidation, and to be properly respectful and responsible to each other as they work out their agreement.

When mediation is successfully completed, a comprehensive marital settlement agreement is prepared which is then presented to the court at the final hearing for its approval and the inclusion of the agreement in the divorce judgment.