Have you ever considered mediation instead of a regular divorce?


mediation is required in some states if children are involved to avoid disputes over custody.. Divorces can be amiable if both parties agree on principal to the main points and agree no issues as it relates to property or such.

I went through mediation counseling in regards to making sure I was considered when it came to custody. Initially my ex-wife’s attorney filed for every other weekend, I filed back for full custody. we settled on joint. She was looking as losing a bunch of money as the result of me having full custody. That was the ONLY reason she wanted full custody not for the kids’ benefit. I wound up having about 70% custody but paid for 50/50. I didn’t want her time with the kids being such they couldn’t afford to eat there. She was always hurting for money as she spent money on crap.. It was a learning experience for her to realize she had to live on less "Stuff".. She is still digging out from debt.

8 thoughts on “Have you ever considered mediation instead of a regular divorce?”

  1. You’re making mediation sound abnormal. If you have assets to divide, most judges prefer that you go to mediation to decide how to divide them instead of having the judge do it.
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  2. mediation is required in some states if children are involved to avoid disputes over custody.. Divorces can be amiable if both parties agree on principal to the main points and agree no issues as it relates to property or such.

    I went through mediation counseling in regards to making sure I was considered when it came to custody. Initially my ex-wife’s attorney filed for every other weekend, I filed back for full custody. we settled on joint. She was looking as losing a bunch of money as the result of me having full custody. That was the ONLY reason she wanted full custody not for the kids’ benefit. I wound up having about 70% custody but paid for 50/50. I didn’t want her time with the kids being such they couldn’t afford to eat there. She was always hurting for money as she spent money on crap.. It was a learning experience for her to realize she had to live on less "Stuff".. She is still digging out from debt.
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  3. Mediation is part of a regular divorce.

    It’s just a minor variation on one of many possible approaches to agreeing on asset division.

    Some common approaches:
    – direct agreement between the parties without any outside help
    – use of attorneys to assist in the negotiation process
    – allowing the court to decide
    – use of an objective mediator
    – none at all – just sign the divorce and walk away with whatever is in your pockets

    The problem with mediation (theory only, I have no direct experience) is that it is either binding or non-binding, and both are weak.
    – Binding: it’s not wise to agree to the outcome of a mediation without knowing what that outcome will be
    – Non-Binding: It’s a weak and pointless effort that will nearly always result in one or both parties feeling that the result is not fair or sensible
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    I thought you said "meditation" and was really anxious to learn how that would work.

  4. Hurt Puppy, mediation frequently doesn’t work because by the time a couple decides to divorce they are in so much pain that all they want to do is cause their spouse to HURT as much as possible.

    Mediation is the best way to go for one huge reason: YOU, NOT A JUDGE, DECIDES WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOUR POSSESSIONS, YOUR FUTURE INCOMES, AND YOUR CHILDREN. Keep in mind that most judges will decide your fate after listening to your attorneys for about five minutes. They don’t want the emotions, they don’t want the intimate truths, they administer a quick decision based on the law. It is legal justice, but it freqently isn’t very just.

    Here’s what I suggest:

    Give mediation a try first, if fury overwhelms you or your husband you can always hire an attorney to go after your mate hammer and tong.

    To make mediation work you MUST treat your husband with respect – even if he tore your heart out and ate it for breakfast. Don’t bother with a mediator of you want to nail him to a rock and have his body picked at by vultures.

    If you are willing to set aside your pain, give as you would like to receive, and realize that the kinder you are the sooner you will heal – you have a great chance of benefiting from the power and control that mediation gives you.

    A word to the wise: If you have children they will benefit enormously by a respectful divorce. I know you don’t believe it now, but one day your heart will not ache so badly. You will have such respect for yourself if you can set your children up to be loved by their father forever. Mediation can be that sane non-combative moment which paves the way for peace.

    Hang tough, honey. You are in my prayers.
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  5. If three years of his own psychiatrist trying to talk him out of walking out on me and our four kids didn;t work, what good would a ‘mediator’ have done? lol…..didn’t need one anyway, all he wanted was his portion of the family home when it sold…didn’t want the kids, didn’t want anything inside the home, he took the only car we had.

    he was determined…I decided to let him go with any opposition..he had become abusive, wasn’t taking his meds properly, was mixing them with alcohol…the turmoil the family home was in for the last few years was sooo unhealthy….best thing I did was let him walk and not let him come back..
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  6. Hey Hurt puppy…………

    I best they did and including myself, we seek help before divorced. Even when you first bring the matter to court and that is what court room recommend that you should do before divorced. Than also why the policy is separation 1 year before divorced can be process

    as far as i see, don’t fix it unless it break and not every thing are fix able.

    you may want to be fix but your other doesn’t want it to be fix than there is not thing you can do but to take what left and move on
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