Love stretches and encompasses. But, it also breaks. It’s not pure elastic. When it breaks, we repair it, carefully, over time. Sometimes. Those that choose to get back together are committed to that process. They are brave. But, unlike the rose-colored glasses worn in the early days, when it would seem that love was elastic, it is necessary for second-time arounders to recognize frailties, their own and their partners.
Don’t go back in unless you’re willing to own your part of the original split. Be sure that you understand what happened and what you need to do to change the patterns that led to the break-up. You don’t have to have all the answers. But, you should be seeing someone, or have a plan in place. And do not take the leap before addressing the biggies; that is medication and ongoing intervention for psychiatric conditions, addiction and abusive tendencies.
- If you are thinking of reconciling with your ex-, first reflect on some questions together in order to give yourselves the best chance at success.
- Ask yourselves what lead to your break up to begin with and have you both enlisted professional help in order to change those patterns?
- Do either of you have any active addictions, and if so, do not reconcile until there has been an extended period of sobriety.
“Are there untreated or inadequately-treated psychiatric disorders? If your loved one is unwilling to get appropriate treatment, that’s a deal-breaker. If his or her condition isn’t well-managed, make sure that’s handled before making any serious steps toward re-commitment.”