Romantic love is a maze. There is the fall, which feels good. Hormones kick in and the need to bond and feel loved. It’s all mysterious and very heady. Even who we feel drawn to can be the result of instincts we can’t entirely fathom, a resemblance to something from our childhood, behaviors, quirks, a physical similarity. The haze of the early part of romance can make us overlook some bad behavior, although hopefully not truly serious stuff, like addiction and physical abusiveness.
Once we’re in deep we start to fear that this is going to go away if the other person really starts to get us as we are. That’s when we start to have those uglies, like putting up walls, and being passive aggressive. Resentment can fester and things can get bad. The way past the haze and the ‘now I have to be real and can I handle it’ phases is to work on the real from the start. Know yourself, know your limits and try to be unafraid of speaking up about who you are, what you need, and what turns you on, or off. Take to time to really get to know the real person that you fell into the relationship with too. Then you both stand a chance of making it work for real.
- Oxytocin, nick-named the ‘cuddle’ hormone, is released upon orgasm and is part of the euphoria of the early stages of romantic love.
- In the early stages of our new relationships, besotted by hormones and rosy perceptions, we blip over differences and idealize our loved one.
- Later, we see the flaws and pick at them and start to worry that ours will show and build walls and hence resentments.
“Even when the relationship turns out to be toxic, once attached, ending the relationship is as hard as falling in love was easy!”